Mental. . .yes I am

To me a blank canvas is both exciting and frightening. I guess exhilarating would be a good word, as one never knows what will appear.  I know many artists that have a set style, they have formal training and there is a certain similarity, continuity to their works. I have no formal training and I have noticed that the more I try to plan what a piece will look like the less I like the finished product. 😕  I cannot make two things alike and the harder I try the worse the result.

 So setting a blank new canvas on the easel is always a bit scary.😨  Will I like what I make? Will I f*ck it all up?  Will anyone else like it when it's done?  Honestly, I never know these answers going in. I paint mostly on instinct and emotion, I think that's why when I try to plan or achieve a certain thing I overthink and it just ruins it.  It's so weird. ~LOL~  

After not painting for 9 months I started again and I decided to try something I have never done before. The very first piece was striking and amazing and actually caused me tears of joy. Then I started overthinking and didn't like the second attempt, the third has a nice look but it is nothing like the first of the series. 😫 As a matter of fact it was 8 canvases later before I hit one that is truly similar to the first of the series, there is no continuity it is a progressive series.  Looking at them I can see the thought process from the first one to the ones that followed, and I think that thinking is my downfall. 😵

The more I "try" the less I like them.  So I guess I have to just go back to not thinking and work from instinct and emotion. 😉